Today is going to be great.
I am quitting my job tonight at 971 The Ticket and am telling my editors at the Detroit News its been a nice run, but it is time for this guy to retire. I am going to sell my house next week and buy a bigger one in Bloomfield Hills and hire servants and someone to drive me around.
And then I am going to plan a three week summer trip with the wife and kids and take them to Europe and Asia. This weekend I am going to watch the NCAA tournament games at Fifth Avenue in Royal Oak or Three Nicks Taproom down river and buy rounds for the house all night long. And I am leaving behind a big, fat tip for the wait staff.
I wanna be a millionaire so friggin bad. And tonight is my night. I am going to win the Mega Millions jackpot this evening and win a cool $640 million.
Yep. That is the plan. That is why I am going to guard my 20 easy pick tickets with my life this weekend. After I win I am not going to tell anybody that I won. I don’t want to hear from relatives and I do not want to risk somebody coming to the house to rob me. I will let everybody know on Monday after I take the ticket to the claim center and take a photo for the media with my giant fake check.
Oh wait. You plan on winning too? I guess we will have to split the jackpot. I think I can manage on $270 million.
I am a sucker. I fall for the trap every time the jackpot reaches ridiculous numbers. I know my chances of winning are a gazillion to one. But that is OK. You know you cannot win if you do not buy the tickets. And I am sure feeling lucky.
Some of my friends make fun of me. The others are standing in line in front of me in search of that golden ticket. Some say the lottery is a tax for the dumb. It might be. I simply know some dummy wins every few weeks. And folks, this dummy is about to get paid.