It is not fair when we get yelled at by our wives for something they did. But it happened Tuesday night when my wife Abs fumbled a salad she’d been looking forward to eating all evening.
Here is the skinny. Abs was at a meeting and they catered a meal from Mezza. We are both into Middle Eastern food because it is healthy and delicious. She got a nice salad with grilled chicken on top and a pita roll. She tasted a little at the meeting and it was so good she wanted to savor the rest for home. But on the way home she got some ice cream from McDonalds.
I heard the garage door open so I knew she was coming home. Moments later there is a knock at the door. I ran over to open the door and for one split second she had her purse and ice cream in one hand and the salad and two folders in the other. She motioned for me to take the salad by leaning forward and the salad fell on the garage door.
I reached out as quickly as I could and got my hands on the top half of the salad but it splattered upside down. All of the salad was not ruined and I thought I could salvage some of it. She didn’t want to hear it and told me to throw it in the garbage can.
The girl was mad.
“Damn it,” she screamed.
Actually what she said was much worse but I am trying to clean it up so you don’t think I am living with a salty old sailor.
“Why didn’t you take my salad,” she said.
What? From the time I opened the door to the time she dropped the salad was less than two seconds.
“You just stood there and didn’t try to catch it,” she said.
“Honey I would have had to be elastic girl to catch that salad. Sorry but my reflexes are not that great,” I shot back.
“But you saw that my hands were full,” she said.
“Yeah for all of one second,” I shot back.
It was all my fault. Never mind she carried four things including her precious salad, it was all my fault. I guess I should have used my x-ray vision to see she was balancing a salad on the other side of the door and immediately grabbed it. Sorry. I think I am a super guy but I am not Super Man.
Don’t you guys go through this with your old lady? Everything is out fault. I get yelled at when the kids do something stupid.
“Well they get that from you,” she always says.
So they get the idea of putting a snot ball on the ceiling from me? Geez, I haven’t done something stupid like that in six
It is my fault when the kids’ rooms are dirty.
“Well they see your socks lying on the floor,” she will say.
But they don’t see your bloomers acting as a throw rug?
Gentlemen, we can never win. So do you know what I do? I just take the abuse and say “yes my queen” until she grows tired and goes to sleep.