I am lucky. My Buckeyes are normal.
I’ve lived next to a Buckeye family for the past 18 years. And they seem normal. Joe and Nancy have not built a electric fence between our property. They do not wear war helmets on Michigan-Ohio State weekend. They simply root for Ohio State in peace and go about their own business. They’ve even sent three daughters to Michigan schools — Michigan State, Central Michigan and Saginaw Valley State University.
When we first met they told me they were Buckeyes. They seemed normal then but just to be sure I went out and bought fire arms. You see, many Buckeyes are not normal. They are mean, vicious little animals that will destroy you if they believe you root for the maize and blue.
When you go to Columbus you see every Big Ten flag flying except the block M. They even fly Notre Dame who has ditched the Big Ten every chance it gets.
During my last Michigan-Ohio State game some students saw that my car had Michigan plates and they tried to block my way to the stadium. I angrily got out of the car and told them I was here to write a story. I don’t give a damn about you and your stupid rivalry and I told them to get out of my way. They thought I was nuts and moved.
I saw two gray haired ladies who had to be in their 70s curse every Michigan player that walked from the dressing room to the field. I mean they used language that would make a sailor blush. I’ve seen Buckeyes so depressed after a loss that they should have been placed on suicide watch.
Do you know how crazy they are? They want to petition President Obama to allow Ohio State to play in the BCS championship game if it goes unbeaten even though the program is on probation. Please folks. Let the man worry about getting people jobs.
Any way folks Michigan-Ohio State day is huge no matter what side of the fence you stand. Enjoy and may the best team win. Meanwhile I will be on patrol this afternoon just in case my Buckeyes turn into those creatures from the Walking Dead. They seem cool for now but you just never know.